The storm arrived...

I was awoken from a brief restless sleep wih a sudden clap of thunder vibrating through the bedroom wall....
The wind was howling....and the trees even sounded creepy scrapping and squeeling against the weatherboards and spouting....back and forth....
Back and forth.....so repatitiously....

The storm hadn't only arrived outdoors but my unwanted visitor had also made a sudden and dramatic entry also....he began from my head......sat in my chest...ribs...and worked his way down through every joint and bone within my body...

So I thought perhaps he was doing somethings like...ice chisel design...but only in my jaw...and perhaps with an axe instead????but without the blood....cause I'm not a gross kind of girl....and really hate blood...

The pain was intolerable...I was miserable....and tried to think of silly things gs like this...axe chisel design...who would think of this in this state of despair...restlessness and nowhereness early in the morning in my hrs of darkness....me....and my creativeness....Ha Ha...well its my way of trying to avoid tears....try to make light of it...
And it's a conversation that people don't really hear....well except for you guys....and can stay some what within my head...So

So thinking about it all creatively...and last night was also a difficult night...with joint pain in all joints...I woke so often and couldn't even move without the pain disturbing sleep.It felt so raw like the skin ws peeled back and muscles and tendons were exposed...
Fibro was there laughing out loud at me....unfortunatly he has been so much stronger this week...but he has to now fight my mind...it's growing some strength...he may have won the battle of the body but I won't let him win totally!!
Remember I'm not going to sit on the sidelines any more....

Today is another day....and I can feel him already...he's here sitting in my knees...in my jaw...already...being sneeky...I will hit him soon with my morning meds....and positive mind...spirit....and start my day....james  blunt is playing...and starting me into the day that will be...The gorgeous sun is shinning and it's going to be very hot again...aarrgggg....Fibro loves this silly heat....and thrives on it....so need to really pace in this weather....and be careful with the air conditioners as they can also cause a flare ....either way Fibro said....bring on this hot summer day!!!

Anyway....I am ready as I will be...to try to have some yogurt to have my meds....get showered...thats allways so tricky!!!! And exhausting.....and that's the beginning....of any of my days.....

Sitting on the sidelines....

So its a bit like I am sitting on the sidelines...but I have decided I'm not going to do it any more....

Stuff it!!

It's been three years years now...and life has passed....changed...and I've even grieved the life I once had...and the me that I previously  was....

After having two months off work...and alot of reflection time I have done nothing but think about the impact Fibromyalgia has had upon our lives..
This past year alone...I worked out I have only once been out in the evening....once!!! That's so sad...I've missed so many opportunities to participate in life...and the one thing I did go to the other night was  the lighting of the community Christmas tree with my daughter and grandaughter.I couldn't even stay to see the grand event....the tree being light up....my body was overwhelmed with extreme whole body pain...and my fibro visitor made sure I wasn't going to stay until the end...although I was proud....I did get there...and put up a fight..

So this new year I am going to try with all I have to participate in life....I am sick...of watching it go by....of listening to others life's stories...of feeling sad I'm not doing things...that im missing out...but then realizing...only I can change this!!

Time to act....time to do.... It might be slow....I might have to pace...and take lots of panadol....but....

I have endevoured...and began my journey into a new realm...for me...a more positive place....so people have noticed and said....you seem so much better!!!! It must have gone away....(ha ha) so....so far so good....but for my body it is actually exactly the same....the worn torn....battled...pain ridden thing...that I carry around each day.I feel incased...or...intoombed....maybe like a mummy..... incarcerated in it....If only I could climb out...If just for a day of freedom!

It's been a long week and it's only Wednesday...Fibro visitor has arrived on and off during the nights leaving me fatigued for my working morning...

Back at work he too arrives without hesitation landing in my hands, arms and can be relentless....

I'm being brave and have only had the odd moment of private tears...no strong meds anymore...just reliant on panadol oesteo,antinflamatory,my new Topamax and inner strength....which is very hhhaaarrdddddd...... But I'm going to be persistent....come on Topamax.....Please work......


F is for freedom.....which is what I want from my Fibromyalgia body....