So its a bit like I am sitting on the sidelines...but I have decided I'm not going to do it any more....
Stuff it!!
It's been three years years now...and life has passed....changed...and I've even grieved the life I once had...and the me that I previously was....
After having two months off work...and alot of reflection time I have done nothing but think about the impact Fibromyalgia has had upon our lives..
This past year alone...I worked out I have only once been out in the evening....once!!! That's so sad...I've missed so many opportunities to participate in life...and the one thing I did go to the other night was the lighting of the community Christmas tree with my daughter and grandaughter.I couldn't even stay to see the grand event....the tree being light up....my body was overwhelmed with extreme whole body pain...and my fibro visitor made sure I wasn't going to stay until the end...although I was proud....I did get there...and put up a fight..
So this new year I am going to try with all I have to participate in life....I am sick...of watching it go by....of listening to others life's stories...of feeling sad I'm not doing things...that im missing out...but then realizing...only I can change this!!
Time to act....time to do.... It might be slow....I might have to pace...and take lots of panadol....but....
I have endevoured...and began my journey into a new realm...for me...a more positive place....so people have noticed and said....you seem so much better!!!! It must have gone away....(ha ha) so....so far so good....but for my body it is actually exactly the same....the worn torn....battled...pain ridden thing...that I carry around each day.I feel incased...or...intoombed....maybe like a mummy..... incarcerated in it....If only I could climb out...If just for a day of freedom!
It's been a long week and it's only Wednesday...Fibro visitor has arrived on and off during the nights leaving me fatigued for my working morning...
Back at work he too arrives without hesitation landing in my hands, arms and can be relentless....
I'm being brave and have only had the odd moment of private tears...no strong meds anymore...just reliant on panadol oesteo,antinflamatory,my new Topamax and inner strength....which is very hhhaaarrdddddd...... But I'm going to be persistent....come on Topamax.....Please work......
F is for freedom.....which is what I want from my Fibromyalgia body....
No comments:
Post a Comment