This came about not long after my late evening IV dosages,and brought with it some form of agitation....I tried to settle to sleep but vivid dreams flashed before me,in very clear images...so very close up...the clarity in their voices was crisp as if you were having a face to face discussion yourself...only not.The volume was turned up to extra loud and overwhelming and resonating all around my head....but at the same time the minute a nurse quietly stepped into my room I could open my eyes and be wide awake....I felt I was in a state of sleep wakefulness....and as soon as my eyes closed the imagery began once very again and there I was as a silent observer....i was fortunate it was not horrific,nor scary...just loud and very usual....
The imagery continued and so did the pain.... I got up and went for a walk around the ward...trying to exhaust it all out of my system...or redirect my thoughts...I was timely in my approach,my room is the only room upstairs and they were about to turn on all the security systems for the night...
So once I stepped from my landing down to the main corridor it would have set
off an alarm....that could have really redirected my thoughts....and im sure many others too....
Finally after a slow wander back and forth,the hospital is very small so the corridors probably just a good size and length, not too far to go but somewhere to go....and no chance of fibro fog robbing me of my way back to my room....
So my tactic of redirection, stretching and exercise wasn't too successful with my pain,I was feeling overwhelmed by this stage,thinking negatively...and crying....wondering why my treatments not working,where now to go from here..... I felt a little hopeless as if I was caught in some big void...and it wasn't going to improve...and how we could now move forward....and where to go....this was my forward..and that this
is was going to be my improvement......and this was my plan....so...tears flowed...and flowed.....
Exhaustion finally overcome
my body and soul...and I did drift to sleep with assistance from some endone.
AM missing my family greatly so this is think is impacting...as I am hospitalized. A couple of hours away,and it seems everyone in my family are currently fostered on working very hard....but am hoping for a special late night delivery of family tonight...so can't wait! and this was an unexpected stay in hospital...no forward planning time for leave etc for hubby...
So in amongst all the sadness and frustrations...there are the other things...like to us foodies...If you should classify your self as one...now I must admit I say I am...but from the sidelines...I love it,I eat it,I critic it...but I am no good at cooking it....boo boo....only the odd thing...my husband is our incredible household chef...with a European background brings his heritage and childhood memories onto our plates....Here with an abundance of knowledge and a freestyle approach to natural home grown fresh healthy items usually straight from the garden,as much as possible....
So thizmorning when this breakfast was served all I sensed I was missing was my morning hugs,smiles and beautiful dark eyes that woo me into the beginning of the day....and can be one of the rare things that make me smile from inside to out....so missing my family....
Buttered mushrooms,vine roasted tomatoes and pesto
F is for .....Family...
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