Happy Days......

 

 So these lovely Gluten Free offerings are only part of my recent Happy morning and afternoon tea at my work place .With warmth and sincerity these amazing people wished me well for my new journey ahead.

Sorounded by smiling faces and a crazy rendition of "Your happy and you know it" I was immediately warmed by the good nature and closeness of  my workplace.
So it's actually ,finally come to count down time.....4 More sleeps and I will undergo my Ketamine treatment at the Epworth Hospital in Richmond.

Feeling anxious, and trying to keep it under wraps.....ha..ha..
I am actually exited by the prospect of a new POSSIBLE lifestyle. These are the words my lovely Dr used in our discussion late the other evening .It all brings hope ,thoughts and memories of what it was once like......It again reminded me how easy it is to still grieve the life I once new.

4 More sleeps.......

F is for Faith.......

Thank god its Friday

Thank goodness its the end of the week!
It surely must be getting closer to my Ketamine treatment which was actually originally due to begin today.Sorry for misleading you all with my countdown to the day!

I'm now waiting with baited breath for the phone call with the date.Aparently definitely prior to end of the month.

So what  a week it's been,most evenings have involved some of the terrible chest and ribs pain that is now my regular visitor. Never welcomed into my home but always manages to invade my space.

Each night I have prepared for a sleep over at hospital,after many medications......fortunately I've managed to say home! much to my own dismay.......

F is for fortunate......
I'm still trying to will myself to stay bright and positive, and I have been able to say that although there have been silent tears I feel as though I have pushed and are getting closer to new trial process for my Fibro.

I enjoyed a beautiful moment one morning this week, after removing all the ice  from windscreen and that misty windscreen you get when it's its only 1or 2 degree....

This is was I was really privileged to see ....and welcomed me back into the life that I once have known...I thought how beautiful the color of the above sunrise  truly was and how somehow maybe it was a sign to bring me back from the saddest days.

Here's hoping this will continue....

F is for Future......

For is for fighting

It's Sunday and I tried with all my will  to still stay strong last night.I  took the scary meds the hospital prescribed but was still left in the silence of my own pain with the strong presence of my unwanted visitor........"Fibromyalgia".

The intensity became very overwhelming,strong pain ozzed through my face, chest and ribs,where it soon settled with the intensity of not leaving any time soon.

I tried as I did not to complain but rang 000 soon the presence of a fibro fighter would arrive, and there would be some hope.

I spent yet another night in hospital.....until the intensity of my visitor eventually soon subsided.

I'm home aging now and and trying to not be the burden of the household.....or annoyance of a mother or wife,will be strong and think of positive thoughts.....tomorow is a new day....

F is for fighting.......which is what I am.......but For is is fabulous and fun which is what I want to be........

Here's tomorow brings a small ray of sunshine........

Today's Saturday and my flare up still rages within me.

I have rested so much and felt the effects of medication but have decided  see if I can go a day without complaint . My family have showed incredible strength as I fight this monster within me....My strength is waning and I need to change something around,I need to be feeling okay when my Ketamine treatment begins this month! I will muster my brief energies to pull myself together to also help support my family .I see the worried faces and hear the hushed conversations.....I will see what I can do.

So its Saturday and hubby is due to head off to night shift, at least will will provide him for relief of this tiresome condition . Kids will rerun later, one at work and the other two still return for tea.They will all scramble in the kitchen to create a yummy meal, and now do not even have the expectation that I will make tea.

This is their life at the moment,I wish I could be a better mum......wife and company........
When did life become so complex with multiple  chronic medical conditions to take into consideration.....

It is what it is......now I will use this method to complain but I will try not to bring a heavier burden to my family who actually endure Fibro also on a daily basis.....just in a different way.

I'm going to be brave this evening.....not take the strong medication....so will even be present with the kids....have not done this for the past several days....It's been a very vague few days of challenge

F is for frustrating.......

So here goes......keep posted and see how our emotions can travel this road....

Have decided will be like when we were all children and truly believed in the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow......

Let's see how it goes....join me o this journey until my Ketamine treatment later in the month.

Wipe Out Wednesday

It was Wednesday which,started off not too badly. As per usual later in the day became the biggest struggle.As my will became defeated by the strenth of my fibro pain that was now beginning to consume me.
I mustered the strength to leave my desk and drive home.....once I arrive home to a quiet, dark and cold home it was then chest and rib pain totally possessed my body and mind.

With tears streaming down my cheeks I searched for life within the quietness.....my 16 year old son was studying furiously and did not really even pause enough to see the pain  that I was in.
Not to give the wrong idea of my teenager but as a teenager with Asphergers his reply was.....I have priorities mum.....3 exams tommorow.......I was shattered!.......

I began to get the vegetables out to prepare tea,it was then I realized just how beaten I really was....I rang hubby who had headed off on his night shift,I couldn't even manage a conversation with the now enraged forceful pain heavier than ever within my chest.

I ran my ever trusty eldest daughter who joins us most evenings for tea.Immediently she knew......and had soon arrived to assist.It's overwhelming presence had arrived again and we made the decision to go to hospital......If it was not my heart it was certainly something which was raging out of control within me and this time I has no strenth to fight against it.

Fortunatly we were able to be seen immediently......It took some time prior to any relief being offered because of all my drug sensitivities......

The Dr admitted he had not come across Fibromyalgia before and I'm sure was off doing some speed reading....whilst awaiting my cardiac enzyme results to come back.

I was finally given an intra muscular injection....It was very painful in my bum, I just focused on my the beautiful blue eyes of my granddaughter (6 months) looking on bewildered....

My chest pain appeared to be increasing.....I felt so out of control of my own body.....crying and miserable just longing for the pain to leave.....

It didn't leave and in fact  to needed other drugs to try to urge it to go away....again it fought with the drugs and tirelessly with my exhausted body....

Another couple of nasty drugs were given to me as the next Dr on duty told me he had not treated such a severe case of Fibromyalgia.He was greatfull that I was soon undertaking a Ketamine treatment in Mel ourne.

All the staff were warm and caring....my beautiful  daughters were with me through this unpleasant experience.... And both very brave.....unlike their mother.....who had shed homeless and defeatful  tears most of the evening.

My eldest had kept hubby posted with every move as he was off driving in NSW somewhere picking up milk from varied dairy farmers.

So it was finally here were a combination of many drugs sent that nasty fibro pain away.....As I drifted into a deep medicated sleep.

My wipout Wednesday is now Friday and I'm still taking strong medication to keep fibro from visiting me again......I don't hold the strength within me to fight off its stony ability to overwhelm me and wipe me out.....here hoping my Ketamine treatment comes around really soon......Something to look toward with hope......

The shadow of my fibro visitor is still looming.......I am feeling a bit everywhere and off balance........ will rest now......

11 Days to go to Ketamine Infusion

The cool, damp, darkness of winter began to settle in for the evening and so it seems did the harsh reality of the presence of my fibro pains.

My hands were so crippled with an intense pain that my hubby ends up cutting up my tea, really not very romantic at all!
I went to bed early (as usual), at least there my possessed body could fight in the complete warmth within my comfy cocoon.

Fibromyalgia is for fighting.......
Fighting against the violent pain that thrashes against, and through your being.....every day.......

It was a long and restless night, awoken by intense pain from shoulders to elbows, from knees  to the tip of my toes.....the burning aching was engulfing my limbs.....I wish the wave  of pain would go back out....and leave my body.

It was morning again soon  and another day would begin.

The pain didn't appear to leave me and it soon accompaned me to work.
11 days to go.......

13 Days to go until Ketamine Infusion

So this really represents how I'm feeling, 13 days to go and I will begin my 5 day Ketamine Infusion.

I couldn't take my mind away from the pain today, with the wide spread ache throughout my whole being. Was imagining what it would actually be like with out it again.

I am very terrified, have read about it and watched some YouTube videos. I don't encourage others to do that.....I'm not a fan of being out of control on meds so this actually is freaking me right out, here's hoping the next 13 days goes quickly.

F is for frightened.......

I was asked during that assessment what I would really like to do again.......where to begin......

Hanging the washing, mopping the floor, all those motherly tasks that most other non fibro mums do. I was quickly redirected to the fun things...so for me, holding a book so I can read again. Although I have swapped to an e reader, I do miss my books.

Practicing my violin, walking with friends, shopping with my girls, bike riding with my hubby....the newest and very precious moment that I can't enjoy as  I now wish ..... is holding my beautiful 6 month old granddaughter.

Today's been a timely reminder of what this journey will be about, looking forward with hope and anticipation for what might be again.

F is for Fibromyalgia and future..........