I had decided regardless how I was feeling I would take my teenage son out to get a couple of things...and also for him to have a break from his consistant vce study.
I could feel that my unwanted visitor was on board already,but with my small ray of happiness...or not so small and now in year twelve and built from weight work...was by my side.
The sun was shinning and as we walked my purposeful and mindful thoughts were for myself was to enjoy the small bit of warmth from the morning sun....the rustle from the autumn leaves beneath my feet....and the mother and son banter as we walked....very slowly.
We rested several times and enjoyed a break at a cafe were i sipped on a Chai,and desperatly downed some pain relief.
My unwanted visitor was challenging my will....to continue with my morning outing.
He was sitting within my chest cavity,and at the same time moving around me....landing and touching all my joints.
Although I managed with all my might to stay strong,be positive and not buckle...not outwardly anyway....I knew it was time to wave my white flag....
And go home,retreat to my ouch...
I rested and tried to keep my mind from wandering back to my unwanted visitor....I decided to listen to my relaxation cds.... This supported me for a brief time only as my vicious unwanted visitor was clearly going to make his own stand today.Around 5pm I took some panadol oesteo...which only made my fibro visitor laugh at me....and grow with his intensity...
By 6..30....he had drained my strength....will..... and tears from within me....
I hesitantly took my last resort...endone...this being what I call my go to....Before hospital...
As I tried again to refocus my attentions away from him....and let the endone work....I couldn't.
He grew heavy and larger within my central chest,and also climbed into my jaw bone.
Now given I have a Cardiac condition....this was also adding to my anxieties.
I made the decision to call the trusty ambos....
With that I was soon wisked to hospital and given some phentynal to reduce this vicious visitor deep within me....
I certainly waved my white flag to my fibro this night,not without a fight...or challenge though.
This although was not my only challenge....
Little did I know in my vulnerable state that I would be questioned about the seriousness of this condition...and the level of pain I was enduring.
It is rare for this to occur,but on this night....I had the following words said to me...".none of your signs are stating you are in pain"and "you are the most relaxed person I've ever seen with a pain score of 6"
Now given the fact at that stage I have had several doses of phentynal....
Yes I was kind of relaxed.... And as for signs..????
Clearly it was evident that this nurse was not knowledgeable at all about fibromyalgia,and even if this is the case....it was not his place to show me how he felt,or question me..Nursing is a caring profession....and once those words resonated through my head....I just cried...i didn't anticipate it...
And wanted to leave....it was interesting as he said these words he pulled the curtain around for privacy too..... It's hard enough living with an invisible condition but to question me....in such a way....
I bit back with a comment something like this"maybe they don't live with fibromyalgia,and cope with pain every single day! "
It was funny then when I wanted to leave he actually was really nervous about it....probably thinking if I was actually in pain and something could go wrong...it could on his watch.....wouldn't look so good.
I'm considering writing a complaint....when I'm feeling less emotive about it....and thoughts are clearer,I'm sure the hospital would like to be informed about the ill informed,uncaring nurse they have employed.
F is for.....fairness which we all deserve......
E is for.....equality.....which we also all deserve...
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