4 Days later...

It's now been four days since my most recent visit to the emergency department for pain management.
It has been a long four days...my unwanted visitor has been calling by regular and without warning.

After another terrible pain ridden night,I decided today was going to be my pj day,and I would just lie in bed.
I don't think that must be my make up or something...or its that I see a bed as a sick place...a reminder of all the times I have spent in a hospital bed,or in my own...when times are not as they allways should be.I just don't even wish to petray the victim....so to speak...I'd rather rest a day,mend and then just soldiers on....no one would be the wiser.so the couch became my choice of resting place .

There are times when my invisible unwanted visitor becomes the invisible....mostly for my family,or the odd  person who can pick it in my face....I must carry the face of anguish with me at times...
This time arounds huge flare up has dragged me up and down....one minute I think my visitor is leaving....the next he returns...and  may I add allways without invitation!

I'm exhausted for trying to fight him off...im exhausted for chasing my own emotions around....and for thinking....and thinking....about what might be in the future.
For thinking....family....friends....work....and for thinking of the next thing I'm going to try to fight this unwanted visitor from my body....and where it seems to have become his home.

I'm yearning to get back into things this week....and its onl
y been four days of overwhelming pain...I just need to rest....revigorate...recharge....restore....
Only I'm frightened of what may and possibly will be....as soon as I begin again....im frightened of attracting my unwanted visitor back.Im frightened of my special strategies not working....frightened of going back to hospital and being judged...frightened of putting more stress upon my family....


F is for four days..later.....
F is for Frightened....
F is for Fear.....

Will see what 5 days later can bring.....