I had awoken with the buzzing very loud and powerful in my legs....and decided to submerge my worn body into the depths of an Epsom salts bath....
My overall body had a feeling of fatigue and this buzzing....moving type sensation was actually stringing me out..... I began to have silly irrational thoughts of chopping them off with an axe.... Of coarse I wouldn't even with access to the axe but.....crazy and similar thoughts were racing through my mind.....in a way to escape this strange overwhelming sensation.
I bathed until I nearly felt as though I would spontaneously combust.. Into a small pile of ashes......here on my own bathroom floor....hot....worn....but ... a little relieved of my buzzing sensation..... I hauled myself up out .... Oopppsss only to then suddenly be overcome with the gasping type of difficult breathing....nausea upon me...
Which would occur first....vomiting or hitting the ground...
I managed to lay in a wet withered state upon the bathroom floor....alone.....gasping for air.....anticipating....to vomit....or totally pass out.....
Sweat was now dripping off my already wet body and only added to the clamminess and horrible state that I now felt.
This state of unpleasantness lasted for some time....im not even sure if I actually did end up passing out....but hay....I couldn't fall any further....so at that point....there was nothing else to do but be engulphed by the dredded darkness that chose to fall upon me....
This was the beginning of my new day....
The rest of this day was slow and nothing.....as I layer like a beached whale upon the couch....listless and fatigue....I'd lost the fight to challenge the day....
As evening drew near I managed to eat some real food....and managed to make myself make tea for our family....easy but nutritious food.....
It was difficult to eat....my stomach already felt full...
Although it was quiet empty after my diet of jelly,water and apples....
As late evening fell upon me so did the the evil buzzing within my legs again...
I dragged myself from within my bed....to soak the buzzing from within...
I finally fell back asleep when oh no....the buzzing was back....Through the entirety of my legs....from hip to toe.... I tried to fight it off...tossing and turning and thinking of things I love...
My thoughts of family...
Friends...
The beach...
My cat....
Gentle breezes through the sun's rays....and many other things mother nature has surrounded us with...
It didn't work...
I tried another tactic and got my beach relaxation CD....now this is from the rest habitation hospital...so it's a good one....
I focused so hard upon the words spoken and breathed as instructed ....
For a moment I felt nothing....and had found that I had moved to another place....my thoughts were Barron....and I was greatful.... For the first moment in a week!
After this I relaxed into my comfy familiar resting place....with a. LOL breeze blowing upon my exhausted self...
I drifted to some other place....
It's now day 7.....
I think I'm feeling a bit stronger today...
But am too scared to wish it....my sunshine is spreading its rays again today....and I'm loving that thought....
I'm feeling a bit emotive today....my daughter is determined to remove me from the house....and take me for coffee.... As much as it sounds good this would mean I will need to dig so deep...
Find some strength....with what that will take....I feel a bit insecure....About this...
And I'm not sure why....as if it's something I've not done many times before..
A new venture...
In fact.... 7 days ago over .... That was me....loved going out and about to have a Chai...Even with the last reserved bit of energy my fibro has left me with.
So I will...will myself to have positive thoughts....so for me I love the beach.....and that's what I will use as my positive thoughts and visions to help me through the days challenges....
Ok so.....I can feel a Change of attitude coming on.... My old fighting one! And I will bring out my gloves.. Ready for the day to begin...
Lets see together how day 7 withdrawal....from oxcycontin and Cymbalta go....
So far feeling a bit brighter.....yeah..... Just need to be conscious not to push my body too much....or encourage my unwanted fibro visitor to fight his way in...and reap extra havoc within my being....
Wishing day 7 is better....
F is for the today's....fight
And...
F is for frustration.....and the impatience of mine that comes along with this process....
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