I dragged my body through the shower....sitting on a seat in the shower so that when I fell I didn't fall as far....and the result would not be so nasty...
My blood pressure is allways relatively low but was now sitting on 85/49....i felt as though things moved by my being in such rapid motion....thankfully this came and went... I could see.....that was my positive for the day.
I tried really focusing all my thoughts ...and detach my thoughts from my body...I knew I need to do this or today would be an even heavier task for me.
The hot shower helped a little only....this day I was wishing I was in my safe little sanctuary....In melbourne with....what we call family....the true ones that care....and are allways there..
Beside the unconditional love J's family brings to us....they have an amazing.....wonderfull....shower....
Now if you are reading this and have fibromyalgia you will know what I'm saying.....the little things are so important to us.....
It's incredible water pressure and massage kind of nozzle showers you with relief on every painful part of your body..
So this is what I was wishing for on this day....Ha Ha....of all things...
Anyway...I decide that I must get some fresh air into my withering body....as it actually feels as though it's dying....
My daughter takes me to a nearby lake to enjoy a walk....a very very slow one...but hay...I got to push my grandaughter while my daughter went jogging...it really helped eliminating some negative emotions.
The air was crisp...and the ripples upon the water lapped toward me to greet me....as if they new it has been some time since my last visit...
It was nice....If even for a short while to breath some fresh air....and life back in into both body and soul.
The rest of the day was long and hard but I forced myself to push on...and keep busy....as much as my fibro body could.
I decided if my mind was busy....I would be okay...so...
I decide to breath some life also back into my living area....remove the few weeks of dust that had sat and stared at me....and the dead flowers still in the colored dead water....
Opened the Window...
Let in the gorgeous crisp air....
Got rid of all the dust....
Removed the dead flowers and re arranged things to better suit how I'm feeling...
My son vacuumed the house....
Things were now not as stagnant as they were....
When evening came...my legs beagn the strange thing again....and my tears flowed....again.....
Hubby wanted an explanation as to what it was....how it felt...All I could say was....
Cross between something crawling....hurting...moving....and irritable legs x 100
It only made him feel frustrated and get upset because I could explain it properly.....??????
There was simply....no other way....
So... With my leg struggle....my inability to have this conversation and painful stomach cramps....I wasn't a good look....
This was how my night began.... But I was so desperate I filled a bucket with hot water and Epsom salts...full well knowing it wouldn't help....and it actually did.....
That was my savior....of sanity and of more tears....
I quickly went to be while it was settled and actually went to sleep.
And yes my night again was very restless.... But not as savage as the previous night...
Hoping this is a sign of better things to come....
The new sun of the day is now shinning....there looks to be a crispness in the front trees as they sway to the motion of their life..out .In our natural environment...and our big wide world..... swaying in the morning breeze...
It looks gorgeous.....
My whole body is consumed by an ache....my Fibro ache...or a withdrawal ache....they are similar...so either way....this is my morning...
But...
Today....I feel a heaviness has lifted from me.... And the darkness is fading.....Yah.....
Today is a new day.....and I'm actually smiling....
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